shiftingurbulls | We The Lost IC Inbox

[Ellis doesn't waste time in giving Alby some kisses of his own (this little buddy has been a life saver!) along with some puppy talk. Alby's the best boy in all the Meadous according to the mechanic.

He doesn't mind Jeremy sitting close to him, never has and never will. In his eyes, they were basically brothers, put in dire situations and had to make the most out of them. No one else in the Meadous could understand that bond, as they came from roughly the same tumultuous time.

El pats Jeremy's back when he sits down and nods]

Yep, now you can drink tha' li'l sampler, good hooch shouldn't be drank all alone.

How y'all been, sugar? I know shit's been rough an' there's only so much we can say on letters.

[ it's not much more than a sampler, sure, but it's still good booze and Jeremy definitely enjoys the entire few seconds it lasts. a bit of a kick, as is the usual for anything Ellis makes, but it's the good type of kick at least and it's something he's need for a while. he's been trying to stay out of the supply back home, so his boyfriend wouldn't worry about his drinking habits so much.

there's something about the way Ellis is so friendly and loving with Alby, and the way he calls him "sugar" or "rabbit" or any other affectionate term of his, and it makes Jeremy feel that level of ease and reassurance he can only feel with a close friend like this. some things he can tell Ellis that he can't tell anyone else. ]

It's-- ... it's okay. [ an obvious lie. Jeremy pulls his knees to his chest as he turns his gaze to the edge of the wooden bridge, Alby running circles around them in his excitement. ] I just-- with everything that happened at that ... that other place everyone went to, I ... I don't know.

Rabbit, yer sayin' yer okay, but everything about yer body's tellin' me otherwise.

[Ellis might be letting Alby play with his fingers and giving him all the belly rubs, but his focus' on Fitzgerald.]

Did yer boyfriend get home all right? Heard about them murders an' I was already dreadin' people I know here like Daryl were gettin' hurt. I can't imagine how it was fer ya. [He brings out larger bottles of the stuff, one for him and one for Rabbit]

He ain't the man we knew in Panem but t'be honest...I'm pretty okay with that. I'm probably a bad man fer thinkin' that.

[ well, at least he knew it was coming. Jeremy could never really hide what he was feeling, not from Ellis. ]

... y-yeah, he's okay. [ Jeremy doesn't want to talk about this whole murder mystery thing, much less his boyfriend's recent fascination with it, so that's all he says on it. but it's pretty evident that the subject bothers him. he's quick to grab that new bottle of the good stuff however, because drinking heavily is a far better solution to the problem. ]

It's-- ... it's not so much that they're not the people we know that's the hard part to deal with. It's not knowing whether or not they're okay, if they're still there or-- or someplace worse, I-- [ he stops himself, sighs, and pops the cap off the bottle to take a long drink instead. not knowing about his other companions in Panem, and everything about the recent events happening here, it's a little too much sometimes. ]

Jeremy, it ain't gonna be worse than what we went through, tha's what I can guarantee you. Panem was a bad place, we can't deny that, and with everything goin' to hell.

[Just like Jeremy allowed himself to be vulnerable to Ellis, El can return the favor.]

I dunno if I'll be able t' move on completely from losin' my man Nick. I had t'put him down before he bit me, didn't see 'im after the last arena. I don't know if my own group o'survivors are back there in New Orleans, or if they're stuck somewhere.

[He raised his glass to clink it with Jeremy's] But we're here, an' we'd be doin' them all a disservice not enjoyin' what we got. We ain't gotta be happy all the time but we can let other people in.

[ it seems like it's a good afternoon for drinking and venting for the both of them, and Jeremy's just fine with that. it's hardly fair of him to spill his guts and lean on Ellis' shoulder without offering the same in return.

but after that clink and another long swig of the stuff, it's his friend's shoulder he ends up resting his head against anyway. their own home worlds were bad enough, why did they both end up in Panem where everything was so much worse and they lost so much? ]

... I guess.

[ being happy is hard. letting people in is hard. hiding away in a dark corner all by himself is easier. ]

I don't even know if I'm doing that right. Everything keeps getting ... messed up.

--s-sorry about Nick. [ shouldn't let that comment slide without recognition, oops. ]

Yer still together, that's already somethin' gone right. But if shit's gettin' bad, you hafta talk t'him an' ask fer help. It takes two t'tango an' two to make these things work.

[Ellis didn't mind Jeremy's head on his shoulders, not when he leaned against his friend as well. Thinking about Nick still hurt sometimes but one couldn't stay hurting for long when it came down to escaping both their worlds and Panem]

It's all right...I reckon he's back there in tha' Walker world, doin' as best he can, with Luke an' Clem. I hope. Wha' matters now is that we focus on this. On this world an' this moment, everythin' else can fall into place.

[the mechanic shared in Fitzgerald's mindset that long-term planning was harder than surviving the day to day;]

[ it's what he was expecting to hear from Ellis, at least. gathering the courage to actually step up and talk about the things bothering him has always been a challenge, and it's been even harder in recent years with everything that'd happened. the fear of bringing up a concern on the off chance it could end everything is what's been holding him back. ]

It's not ... getting bad, or anything. I'm-- I'm just ... confused, I guess.

But ... I know I need to, eventually.

[ the alcohol's strong and already helping his nerves calm a little as a buzz starts to settle in. he takes another drink, returns his head to Ellis' shoulder, and closes his eyes. ]

Why d'you have to be right about everything?

[Ellis let out a small, humble chuckle, fueled in part with the moonshine they were drinking]

Rabbit, I ain't right about everything, I'm just tellin' ya what I think would be the best. Yer my brother from another mother an' another universe, I'mma always watch out fer ya.

Besides if I were right about shit, I would be a millionaire don'tcha think?

[ "brother from another mother and another universe." that's ... actually such a nice thing to hear that Jeremy's eyes might water a tiny bit.

he's blaming the alcohol on that too. ]

Fuck, think of all th'moonshine you could have if you were right 'bout shit.

Get your act together, man.

[Ellis will probably remember bits and pieces of this moment but he still laughs at Jeremy's bluntness and lack of self-censoring.]

I ain't one t'think past lunch an' the afternoon drinks my man, I ain't built fer success sometimes!

All jokes aside, I'm glad yer doin' much better than the first time we met. Yer doin' so good, I'm proud o'ya.

[ it's nice being able to tease and joke around with someone and not feel like he's being annoying or a burden. Jeremy's not sure how Ellis manages that, how he's able to bring out that side of him with seemingly no effort. but if he asks he'll probably ruin it.

praise is still a weird thing to get used to hearing, too. he needs another drink before he can respond to that - if he really thinks about it, sure, he's made progress. he's come out of his shell a bit more every day, he's able to handle social situations better than he had in the past, he's not as utterly terrified of everything and everyone (except himself.)

and Ellis is proud of him. that causes the little warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. ]

... I guess so. Maybe just being away from Panem so long's ... done something. I don't know.

Doesn't always feel that way. But ... sometimes.

Being away from Panem's gave us back at least ten years o' our lives! Gave us back our personhood, an' that's...

[It all comes down in Ellis' mind to realize they weren't soldiers or props for any side. Even the Rebellion used them as puppets for their message. He was silent for a second.]

That's more than any booze we could ever drink could give us. We ain't never goin' back. I wouldn't ever go back. We're all right, we're all right.

[ even though Jeremy knows he's very, very far from the only person who'd been traumatized by the events of Panem, but it's one of the few times he'd seen a similar effect impacting Ellis this way. his friend had always seemed like he had it all together, but everything that had happened, that shit doesn't just go away with a little optimism and a smile. ]

Ain't never goin' back. [ he repeats the words, trying his best to reassure the man of the fact. his hand reaches for El's, holding on tight, because even though he's saying the words out loud he has a hard time believing them himself. ] We're all right.

[Ellis didn't question or bat away Jeremy's and instead returns the grip nice and tight. He's careful not to overexert or use the Capitol's strength. But it's the tether Fitzgerald needed]

Think you have room for peach liquor?

[He's been saving this one for a while] My state's known for its peaches, might as well give ya a taste o' my home.

[ it helps, probably more than Ellis knows. and Jeremy's glad that there's at least something he can do to help, instead of being the one needing help all the time.

even if all they do is bitch, vent, and drink. but it's something. ]

You may have never asked a more fuckin' stupid question. [ Jeremy always has room for more booze. he manages half a grin in response, though the sentiment in sharing something Ellis considered so important isn't lost on him. ]

Cheers, man.

We The Lost IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

wrap here?

wrap!